December 20, 2010

Modern Manners Monday (A Holiday Quandary): What Would YOU Do?

Dear TBS,

I've a quandary for you and your readers.

I'm having a holiday party this week and invited a group of women that all know each other.  After my party invite went out, two of the women "fell out" with each other. One of the women emailed me to ask whether she should still come and shared that she didn't want to create tension.  What should I do? I don't want to make either of them (or my other guests) uncomfortable, but I can't very well un-invite one of them. 


Why Can't We Be Friends

What Would YOU Do?


  1. This sounds like made-for-reality TV drama! I'm assuming these are grown people you're talking about. Don't uninvite either. They should have enough respect for you and the other guests to keep their problems outside of the party. Plus, it sounds like you will have more people there than just the two of them, so the focus of the night shouldn't be on them. If you feel it necessary, talk with both of them and let them know that you expect their situation to not affect your party.

  2. Good lord. Are we 12? Part of being an adult is being civil and polite to people we do not like. Or, knowing enough to take yourself out of a situation if you know you cannot handle it. I don't think the hostess needs to talk to either offending party - they should know enough not to ruin the event for everyone.

  3. I completely agree with what BlitzAnd Glam said. We're all adults now.

  4. I would proceed with the party as scheduled and expect both ladies to act accordingly, if they chose to show up. Foolishness at my house would not be tolerated. And, the other ladies there would help to diffuse any potentially awkward moments.

  5. Unfortunately I've been in this position one too many times. I would plan to play referee if needed so my guests didn't feel uncomfortable. Be ready to change the subject and ask for help in the kitchen to separate them.

  6. I'd explain to both that they were both invited and may both attend. State that you love them both but need them to respect you and your friendship enough to either be kind and cordial or to skip the event. What the heck kind of falling out would create that much tension anyway where they worry about holding it together for a few hours over cookies? I agree with BlitzAndGlam, sounds like a bad tv show.

  7. I agree with BlitzAndGlam and MrsTDJ. Foolishness in my house would not be tolerated.

  8. If they were two cats, I'd say to keep them apart. Unless they're cats, let them try to work it out before the party, or just not talk to each other at the party. There's no reason for you to referee by uninviting one of them.

  9. I had a similar issue this past weekend. My older sister had a tree trimming party for the holidays. My brother who conned me out of $25,000 was there. A tad awkward - but I wasn't going to get "out of control" over the eggnog bowl.

    We are grownups...No? Broke in Bklyn

  10. Guest list remains the same.

    If ANYBODY steps out of hand...

    I'm sure I don't need to fill in the blank. Yall get where I'm going with this nonsense.

    Humph. GROWN folks need to act GROWN!

  11. Totally agree with the posters above. If you have graduated from middle school, everyone should be able to manage civility for a couple of hours.

  12. People like to feel special, however they get there. Some people do it with drama.

  13. Them falling out is their private issue. If all the women know each other and if they are somewat close the word may have already gone out.

    I suggest leaving the invitation as is. I wouldnt mention anything to anyone. They are adults. If they are unable to handle themselves during the event...the hostess needs to pull a Martin Lawrence...
    "Gets sta steppin'!"

    Mr. Goodwill Hunting

  14. I would call both of them separately and have a heart to heart talk. I'd let them both know how valuable each ones friendship is to me, and try to mediate rationale into the problem. If bother persist and feel that either one can't put aside their disagreement for a few hours and as adults, enjoy the festivities with the other invited guests...PLEASE, BY ALL MEANS...STAY HOME! I'd say it with as much love, concern, and compassion, as possible!

    I refuse to be a ref during one of my soiree's and have to pull them aside, then explain (?) something to my guest about what's going on!

    As women...we have the same mother-wit, gut-feelings, fore-thought, knowing-eye, and instincts that our grandmothers and mothers had/have. So why ignore it and allow a damper placed on your festivities! Not ME! I'm for JOY, baby! Maybe they'll be mad at me, but at least they probably won't be thinking about each other after that! ~smile~


  15. I recently had this same situation the past weekend. I spoke to both ladies and in a nice way promised to do bodily harm if they got out of hand at MY house. If they could not be grown ups about the situation then they didnt need to show up at all. Needless to say it worked out great they both were on there best behavior and the party was great!

  16. I haven't had a guest have the temerity to try to put me in the middle in years. But my answer was, and would be again, "Only you know what you should do."

    I suppose if trouble did break out, I'd fix them with a withering stare until a hush came over the room and they couldn't get out of there fast enough.


© 2008-2011 The Broke Socialite Media, All Rights Reserved | Site Design by Simply Amusing Designs