Though she knows better, your 14 year old daughter has gotten in the habit of asking you if she can spend the night with friends in their company. You've reprimanded her whenever she's made the mis-step.
On this particular Friday (and not that you need her permission), you've arranged for the family to go on a spontaneous camping trip. She bops through the kitchen with a friend (of course) and asks if she can go to a football game then sleepover with her friend. You say "No." She wails, "Why?!" and starts sobbing.
You are not affected by her theatrics. After all: teenagers, right?
Her friend interjects and asks you, "Why are you being such b!#&h?"
What Would YOU Do?
My mouth is agape! Seriously! My first instinct would be to smack her clean across the room...I'm going to go with that, relationship with her parents be damned. That is fine if you speak to your parents like that, I'm not your momma! Plus I don't want my kid getting any kind of ideas, although she would know my crazy already. Additionally, I tell parents up front, if your child is at my house or in my presence cutting the fool, I will reprimand and I expect the same from them with my child.
ReplyDeleteThis new fangled parenting where the kids are speaking to adults this way is BEYOND!
TBS you got my pressure all up this early in the morning! LOL
Oh, wow. Such language from a 14-year-old. First, I'd tell my daughter that she will not be going to either the ball game or a sleep over and that we will discuss it privately. Then I'd tell the friend that we do not use that kind of disrespectful language in our household. I'd ask her to leave or call her mother to pick her up immediately. I'd also explain to the mother why I was asking her to be picked up.
ReplyDeleteNo further discussion with my daughter. She would know that my silence is screaming and fear would begin to set in. The "friend" would be leaving instantly and I too would be contacting her parent and explaining her abrupt departure and possible indefinite ban from my home. Then I would wait until I was in a calm state before reminding my dear offspring that we teach people how to treat us and that her friends should know what is and is not acceptable behavior in our home. Also, she needs to be reminded once again, that her 1st response when asked to participate with friends is "I'll check with my family and get back to you." Family first.
ReplyDeleteI would break that habit, everytime she asked me in front of her friends the answer would be an automatic NO! Even if I wanted to say yes it would be No until she learned not to do it. As for the friend, my daughter had better correct her or I would slap the taste out of her friend's mouth and her's for bringing that foolishnish into MY house. Then I would call the friend's parents to come and get her...forever.
ReplyDeleteParents work too hard and too many hours providing for their children all of their needs and most, if not all, of their wants. I'll be doggone, if mine or anybody else's that benefits from my hard work is going to disrespect me or the decisions I make for MINE!
. . .that foolishness into MY house. TBS you've got me all messed up this morning, I can't even spell.
ReplyDeleteWow. Who are these kids?! I would have immediately called that girl's mother and told her to come and get her... she'll be sitting on the front steps. I would tell my daughter that she can no longer even associate with this girl (outside of school, because I can't control that). And if she was picking up any pointers on how to speak to me, she'd better think again before it lands her at the emergency dentist's office.
ReplyDeleteGameover. The child's mother would be called and told to come and get her. During the wait, I would explain that she was no longer welcome in our home. Done.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I would mentally count to 10 to refrain myself from putting a choke hold on her. Next I would call the mother and tell her that she needs to come immediately as there are some matters that need to be discussed. I wouldn't say anything to the girl as teenagers like to take your words and twist them around to make them feel as if they are the victim. Once the mother (or father) gets to my house, I would talk to them as calmly as I can and explain the situation. Then I would say, "From past experiences with your daughter, she seems like she is a very lovely girl and it was very shocking when she talked me that way. I do not allow my children to disrespect me; let alone someone else's child. Therefore your daughter is no longer welcome to my house and my daughter will not be engaging in any outside activities (football games, movies, parties, sleepovers) with her."
ReplyDeleteOnce they are gone my daughter will be reprimanded for 1. Asking about sleepovers in front of friends and 2. Making poor decisions in friends.
If she has the guts to call me a name like that I'm sure she has done other unpleasant things that my daughter has witnessed.
My response would be somewhere between Icey 1273 and Shanika. Kids in my house get treated just like I treat my kids. Therefore they should be very afraid!
ReplyDeleteI am having great fun with these comments. TBS you have made my morning. I agree with them all but my favorite is "Shanika" and "Queen of Cashmere". Have a great day ladies. Blessings-P
ReplyDeleteI just don't think I'd put that child out, because obviously she's not getting some hometraining she needs.
ReplyDeleteI'd probably say something like, "I don't know who you think you are and what day you think this is, but you're not going to talk to me like that." And I'd stand my ground on my own kid not going to wherever it is she wanted to go, but the potty-mouth kid could come with us, as long as she behaved herself, and I'd make it my bidness to have her around as much as possible so I could keep my eye on the situation and love her as much as I possibly could.
At that particular juncture, I would also reprimand my own child for opening that can of worms and tell her she'll get nowhere fast putting me on the spot like that, and later, in private, reiterate to her that we don't speak to others in ways we don't wish them to speak to us, and that we certainly don't throw around the term "bitch" loosely, lest we want to find ourselves cooling our heels at home for the next year.
If the situation warranted, I might be able to squeeze out a few tears and a statement of "I'm not mad, I'm disappointed."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0hjSaYCRnA
ReplyDeleteI have a 13 yr daughter who knows that if any of her friends were to call me out of name or use that type of language, she would duck. She knows I would get in the childs face and politely tell her to get out of my house for disrepecting me and my house. I would call her parents and inform them that she is not allowed to associate with my daughter until I receive a written and verbal apology. Maybe the child had a temporary brain lapse.
ReplyDeleteAlternatively, I would clutch my head and fall to the floor, telling them to call me an ambulance, because I must be having an aneurysm, since I was hearing the voice of Satan in my very own kitchen. I'd lay there until the ambulance came and insist they accompany me to the hospital.
ReplyDeleteIt would be expensive, but worth it just for the fear it would strike in their little hearts. Then I'd hold it over their heads. Clearly I'm no stranger to shame.
Putting me on the spot like that got my kids an automatic no. They could come to me in private (out of ear shot of the friend), but otherwise, the answer was always no. I explained the rule to them ONCE, before it happened, and I never had an issue. As for Miss Potty-Mouth, I wish I had Susan's energy and wisdom to keep that poor child close, but as I don't, I think I'd be inclined to give her another chance, after a period of separation and an apology.
ReplyDeleteI would pick up the phone and dial that CHILD'S mother immediately.
ReplyDeleteWow...just wow. After my head stopped spinning in "The Exorcist" fashion, I would mince no words informing that child how we operate in our home and that she is no longer welcome...effective immediately. Blow that dust off the curb and have a seat, sweetie. If you talk trash to me, expect to be treated accordingly. I'd call her mother to come pick her up, and tell the child to repeat what she said to me to her mother. They can then roll that drama off my street since its no longer my problem. As for my daughter, I'd tell her do not ask me about sleepovers period for a while since she didn't heed my stance on guest protocal the first time.
ReplyDeleteYou really don't want my opinion on this situation...Really! I grew up in the old school way which is having the utmost respect for my parents!
ReplyDeleteSo, I'll put it this way...that drama would have never existed in my momma's household or mine! Somebody would be getting fitted with dentures, and the so called friend would to this day, still be apologizing for her behavior! Disrespect is not allowed...EVER! -pearls
I love Susan's line "I am not mad I'm disappointed" I would take the friend home, and tell her that she is more than welcomed in my home once she is ready to apologize and is ready to respect me and my home. Once the friend is home I would talk to her mom, and explain the situation, suggest she put her daughter in an Etiquette Classes
ReplyDeleteWhen I read the post I was :-O
ReplyDeleteWhen I read the replies I was :-D
These responses were so entertaining after the shock value of the initial situation posed, I was relieved, and also relieved our daughters are now grown, ha!
I love the questions you pose and I love reading everyones response. Obviously if a child's friend talks to you in that manner it means that she does not know how to show respect. That is not her fault but the parents. If I ever spoke like that to my parents friends my mom would have given them permission to slap me upside the head (yes, that is not done these days). I would have no problem telling that girl to never use that language in my house again. As for the daughter - no means no. My dad use to say to me if you don't know what no means Websters is sitting on the shelf go look it up. The problem today is there are no boundaries and when parents say no they end up saying yes - you need to stick with no. As for the girl - when children respect others they don't use that language and i guarantee if you put her straight - it wouldn't happen again in your home.
ReplyDeleteWithout a doubt I would say, quietly and firmly, "it is time for you to go home now."
ReplyDeleteOoooooo! Foreboding. I can see such a scenario in my future. And I thank you so much for the forewarning and all the thoughtful replies so I can plan accordingly, as I'm quite sure my gut response of, "WTF?! Were you born in a barn? Such a potty mouth on you!" would probably not set the appropriate tone.
ReplyDeleteNo worries. My daughter would immediately check her and put her out before I could get to her. Me and mine may disagree but insulting family is a no no. I would not contact her parents because they may be as ignorant as their daughter and I don't want to catch a case.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I have boys! They're troublesome but I don't get that kind of backtalk.
ReplyDeleteI think saying "no" automatically is a good strategy to get your child trained about when to ask persmission.
For this situation I think I would say no, ignore the sassy language and invite the foul-mouthed friend to go camping with our family. Technically it's a "sleep-over" and my own child won't be able to pout the weekend away because she's not with her friends.
Since the girl was asking for an overnight I'm assuming the other family is known to you, so calling and speaking to a parent is appropriate. If I hadn't met the other parents before I would consider the situation a bit more.
Whoa! I would put her out on the porch and call her mother!
ReplyDeleteDisrespect is not welcome in my home.
I would absolutely kick her out of my house and not have her in it again and add a couple of choice words. Depending on what her parents are like and my relationship with the parents I would talk to them.
ReplyDeleteThe comments on hitting the kid are shocking me more than the situation. That's exaggeration for laughs right?
-Victoria
Of course, no one in their 'child protective services mind' would hit another person's child! Only your own and that's not an exaggeration!
ReplyDeleteMy mother, a wonderful southern born woman of very few words when she became angry, had a way of looking at us when we became unruly (when we knew to behave better), that would calm us down immediately! I saw it work a few times on other peoples unruly children when they were in her care. Some people have the gift of gab, my mother had a gift of glare! LOL!
-pearls
holy smokes!!!!!!! please tell me this is just a hypothetical and that this never really happened. i am still in disbelief thinking there is no way the friend's daughter could ever be so disgustingly rude to an adult... let alone a MOTHER!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete