A friend is EXTREMELY excited about a new business venture.
You're so proud of her because she's been trying to decide what she wants to do with herself from a professional angle for some time.
She's invested in a company that does direct sales and relies on others' hosting parties to generate new business. She asks you to host a party and you've been...well...direct by saying that you'd rather not. She continues to lay on the pressure and is becoming somewhat of a nuisance.
What would YOU do?
Tell her if she keeps bothering me about it I'm going to stop taking her calls. If she knows me she should already know that's not my kinda thing and that if I say I will stop talking to her if she don't stop...I'm serious.
ReplyDeleteIf they are truly your friend you will have to be firm and let them know that you are in no way interested, but you will support them in anyway possible, and then if they insist, you will have to result to not taking their calls until they get your drift, and tell them that's why you're not taking their calls. Sometimes, you have to go to the extreme like they have gone to the extreme.
ReplyDeleteAt one time I got asked on a regular basis to host a "party." I've created a rule I can live with: My hospitality is not contingent on bringing your credit card or check book to my home. The old line is that you are welcome to come and just have a good time, yada yada ... no obligation to buy. Don't believe it. It's all about selling product. Just say no.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love the picture that you decided to use! LOL! Secondly, I would politely decline. Let them know that this is something you have no absolute interest in doing. You can also offer them some of your time to help come up with other ways of marketing her business. Be sure to keep that time limited as many people will take an arm when only offered the hand.
ReplyDeleteGirl, NIP IT!!! We've all been "excited" about our jobs at some point; however, having it weigh heavily on a friendship is a bit much. Let her know, CLEARLY, that you will not host a party, nor will you entertain her badgering. You can be supportive of her efforts in other ways.
ReplyDeleteI recall the days of a commission only job, morphing into the monster you're referring to--everyone was a prospect (victim). Thankfully, I was able to catch myself before my true friends had to shut me down.
I would continue to decline firmly and politely. Once you've given your explanation for not hosting the first time, you don't need to continue to explain why you don't want to do it because she'll just keep finding ways to get around the excuses. Being polite, direct, and firm is the only way to handle this kind of pressure
ReplyDeleteThis is a pet peeve of mine--when someone asks me something over and over again about something when I've already told them no. (If I ever have kids, I hope they learn this quickly.) I hate to have to tell an adult, "I already told you no once. I have not changed my mind. Please don't ask me again." Maybe its the lawyer in me, but if you're going to ask me something again, at least come to me with new information that might persuade me to change my mind. Don't just ask the same old question again.
ReplyDeleteI feel for ya. It's awesome when a friend takes initiative in a new business venture, but uncomfortable when she puts the hard court press on us. You've been forthright already, if you value continuing good relations with this friend, could you offer her another type of helping hand?
ReplyDeleteI find that new "entrepeneurs" are more enthusiastic (or desperate) than ill-intended. They honestly may not know the nuances and time-tried truisms of successful business and sales. They approach a business proposition like girl chat, somewhat like convincing you that you really need to go on a blind date with her cousin, he's got a greeeat personality, really! To succeed, they'll eventually learn and make a shift.
Perhaps your friend may be open to some "coaching" from you, such as:
"Although I can't host an event for you right now, I will be here for you if you ever want to discuss your progress in your new business. May I also share with you as a good friend, that if friends or prospects don't immediately see the value of what you are offering, the key is not to push. We need to work on what value or position you are presenting so that people will be more compelled toward you and your product. If you are getting a lot of no's, let's think about why."
I would tell her no and tell her not to ask me about that again.
ReplyDeleteAfter I'd responded nicely that it just doesn't suit a few times, I'd just have to say "Listen. I don't pester you to come to my office and help me, do I? I'm happy to encourage you along and all, but I already have a full-time job and I just can't take on anything else."
ReplyDeleteClearly state no, yet offer her suggestions on other ideas for her to gain clients or referrals (if they don't involve other friends that don't want to host a party)! Continue to encourage only.
ReplyDeleteI would tell her 'no' politely the first time, with a gentle but firm explanation. If she continues to ask, I would simply tell her that I've already given her an answer and ask her to respect that. If she persists still, her calls/texts/emails won't be answered.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog. One because I'm an etiquette snob and most of what you post happens every day. I am in sales so can sympathize with both sides. I believe in being honest - if you ask and are not in a position or not comfortable - I believe honesty is the best policy. If someone keeps persisting and you have declined on numerous occassions than you no longer need to explain yourself. I'm in sales and if I have asked someone several times and they have given me several different responses - I'm intelligent enough to read between the lines - if I can't - I shouldn't be in sales. It's a delicate balance with friendship. You want your friends to support you and sometimes when your not in a position it can cause a strain. But I have to believe that honesty in the end wins. I love reading everyones feedback. Thanks for bringing etiquette back to light. I'm curious what you think about thank you notes :)
ReplyDeleteI would let her watch an episode of Penn and Teller's "Bullsh*t" that focuses on these direct marketing outfits and encourage additional research. Most of them are just modified pyramid schemes. They usually require a hefy initial investment and you make more money from signing others up as salespeople than you do on actually selling the product. Once she sees how skeptical I am of the whole operation she'll understand when I tell her "Aw naw, hell naw."
ReplyDelete