You're a part of a trio of girlfriends. As thick as thieves even.
As it turns out, two-thirds of your trifecta (you and one of the friends) are becoming concerned about the other's drinking habits. She seems to be drowning her sorrows more and more (she's recently broken up with her beau). She doesn't seem to think there's any problem with drinking two bottles of wine a night. Yes. Two bottles.
She's barely holding it together at work and is looking horrible.
What would YOU do?
Have a sit down with her about the issue, first telling her reasons why she is better than her circumstances then explain to her that life does go on and give an example that you both identify with. Be patient with her and know that it is a process...
ReplyDeleteYou can't change other people, no matter how good your intentions are. I would say something like, "Hey, you're really knocking back the wine lately. Let me know if you decide you need help or support to make a change." I would also only spend time with her when it would be impossible to drink, like shopping or something. This answer isn't very clear,I guess, because I'm torn between saying something and letting her hit bottom and support her swim back up. Make sense?
ReplyDeleteplan an intervention.
ReplyDeleteDrinking is a serious problem, especially if its affecting your job, so I couldn't hold my tongue on this one. I would have a heart to heart with her. I would also talk to the other friend and suggest she do the same. We would continue to talk and be there for her until we saw a change.
ReplyDeleteI definitely would speak with her directly, together as a threesome about it. Often times friends don't think friends notice how bad it is; maybe just bringing to her attention that you both are concerned will compel her to do better!
ReplyDeleteCall her mama.
ReplyDeleteI'm new here, but love your blog. I think it's difficult to intervene. More often than not, the drinker doesn't believe they have a problem until it's too late. I would first get some help on "how" to do an intervention before I brought it up to my friend. I'd be afraid of running her off into the circle of other drinkers where she were "more comfortable."
ReplyDeleteINTERVENTION!!
ReplyDeleteHave you ever considered doing MMM as a weekly Meme so that others could join in? I get asked a lot of parenting questions about manners and would love to link back to you with a button or something. :)
ReplyDeletesadly this is something that a friend and i dealt with in college. we ended up sitting down with our over-imbibing friend and asking her why she felt it necessary to drink so much (alone in her apartment, not in social situations). she got defensive at first, but we had a long heart-to-heart with her and explained that we only had her best interests in mind. she was dealing with some personal issues, so our other friend and i took turns spending time with her every day - getting her out of her apartment (away from the alcohol!) and helping her get over the hurdle she was facing. it was a hard conversation to approach, but we would never have forgiven ourselves if something would have happened to her.
ReplyDeleteConsult a local AA meeting before you do ANYTHING. Sometimes what you do (with great intentions) actually plays in to perseverating the problem. There are AlAnon meetings for the loved ones of alcoholics and they will have a wealth of "tried and true" info for you. This is a serious problem that love alone cannot fix.
ReplyDelete"She's barely holding it together at work and is looking horrible." I would tell her this and tell her how much better and stronger she is than this. Maybe after I diluted her wine bottles, I would explain to her that i care and am concerned for where she's taking her life.
ReplyDeleteI'm grateful that I have people in my life who are unafraid to speak their minds even in tough situations. I would approach my friend telling her of my concerns and would expect my friends to do the same. A real friend would not sit back and let her dear friend destroy themselves. I like Better with a Bow's suggestion of seeking help from AA- that's a great idea. Definitely telling her is the best way to go and if she isn't ready to deal with it, that's okay. I would keep praying for her and encouraging her that whatever her troubles, she won't find the solution at the bottom of the bottle.
ReplyDelete