January 11, 2010

Modern Manners Monday: What Would YOU Do?

A friend has recently gotten laid off from her job of 10 years.

You'd decided a few months ago to co-host a bridal shower for a mutual friend.

Invitations have gone out and the shower is in less than 2 weeks.

Your friend sends an email and expresses that in light of her recent circumstances, she will be unable to contribute financially to her portion of the commitment.  The thing is that you are trying to mind your own budget and are worried about over-extending yourself should you be left to pull this off alone.

What would YOU do?


  1. So nice to meet you this weekend! Wish we had gotten more time to talk blogging. Such a fun time with all of you, I loved it all.

    What would I do? I would recruit a couple of other friends to try to step in and help & hopefully one of them will be able to fill in the gap, so that I'm not left holding the bag alone.

    Looking forward to checking out your blog!

  2. Be honest, scale back and keep it simple!

  3. I agree with Haute Travels. Scale back. Cake, punch, sandwiches. Cut back on games so you don't have to give so many prizes and no take away favors.

    As your friend can she do the running around like picking up cake etc that so that you dont have to take away from your work time.

  4. That's so tough! I like the suggestions above though, especially the ones about getting some other gals to chip in. With this economy, so many of us understand what this can mean, so hopefully we all are willing to throw in a hand if a friend needs us!

  5. Wow, Sensei, this is tough. I believe I would empathize with her by expressing how I understand how circumstances have changed. I would state, that while I may not be in the same situation as her, I too need to be mindful of my budget and am unable to go this alone. That being said, any help at all she could provide would be greatly appreciated for this prior commitment. Doing what is can is definitely better than backing out all together.


  6. I like the combination of all these comments. Scale back in spending, but invest more time in planning and making it fun. Instead of catering, make it yourself. If you're not a baker, well heck! Pull out a cake mix and make a layer cake or cupcakes from a box. It's impressive and packed with love. Go through both of your cupboards and see what you can reuse and repurpose. Can you take drinking glasses and turn them into beautiful miniature bouquets from supermarket flowers and pack your table with gorgeousness? And you know what! If alcohol is involved, then I might ask guests to bring a bottle. Those who can and do will be appreciated and those who can't or don't want to, well no big deal. I find that I can't afford champagne these days, but a delicious Italian prosecco for a fifth of the price is a real treat.

    I could go on....bottom line, empathize with the situation and address it in a creative, heartfelt way. Everyone will understand and appreciate a more personalized gathering that is conscious of everybody's costs.


  7. Very interesting. I was in a similar situation where I was left holding the bag and it put a financial strain on me and my budget and a very close relationship. However, I did not want to disappoint the person who was promised the gift so I made the sacrafice and rearranged my budget and followed through on the commitment with the help of my husband. God is good.

  8. Change of venue! Throw a tea party at your own house (or hers) and serve petit fours and tea and cheese straws and cucumber sandwiches at 4 in the afternoon on the best china and silver you have or can borrow. Use cloth napkins and wear a church dress.

  9. I agree with the comments above. Google/Bing ideas affordable ideas for bridal shower, do as much as humanly possible among friends and especially the friend who can no longer contribute monetarily. Time and talent are just as valuable as cash, especially when the friends have to scale back.

  10. Ask the rest of the bridesmaids to step up and help.

  11. I agree with Creole. Asking the bridesmaids to contribute would be a great idea.

    Hugs and Mocha,

  12. You know she feels horrible even having to tell you about her financial situation. Ask the bridesmaids to participate and then budget accordingly. Keep the original co-host involved in any way possible - stuffing invitations; running errands. She doesn't have to be left out because her checkbook can't participate.

  13. Ooh, great dilemma! Tee hee hee. Love the suggestions above. I would probably try a bit of all of them - scale back, see if some other friends could chip in and break out my cake pans.

    Winks & Smiles,

  14. I love what Lynn said, keep the co host involved-she doesn't have to be left out just because her checkbook can't participate. I think that is what true friendship is about. :) I also agree with everyone else. As my fellow budget fashionistas will attest, we know how to go fabulous for less! Scale back tastefully, who needs expensive Peonies when the roses from a Produce Junction are beautiful when first picked (Heck even the market has nice flowers) Thinking outside the box cannot only lead to frugality but also more originality and creativity.

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  16. @Anonymous: Maybe it's just me but I detect a bit of passive aggression here and would love to know why YOU feel that if someone enjoys peonies they can't buy themselves peonies???????

    We all enjoy TBS' tips on being frugal and love her so VERY much because she's not one of those people who beat you over the head if you have things you just won't compromise on. Because she knows that if you try and compromise on everythingd you're just setting yourself up for failure.

    That said...if I want to spend money on peonies but not on an article of expensive clothing or bank fees or something then so be it. I didn't ask anyone else to help pay for my peonies. It's my money...and I do what I want.

    I hope you live your life with the same attitude. Do what you want to make YOU happy and stop worrying about what other people choose to do with THEIR money.

    Sorry TBS but for some odd reason this just struck me. I really don't like the "must-be-nicers" of the world.

    Stay in YOUR lane over on YOUR property

  17. Sorry TBS, I never intended any drama when I subscribed to your blog. I absolutely love it but believe me, I will keep my opinions to myself from now on... I don't particularly care to be called out , us must-be-nicers have a feisty side too! Staying in my lane and not looking back. Good Evening and good night.

  18. Whew! Always love a bit of drama myself...
    I think the running theme here is 'get creative!'
    Bottom line, its the people and friendships that are the most important. What would'nt you do for someone you love?

  19. @ Anonymous,your suggestions were Fabulous.
    I would love to hear more of your opinions, please do not feel intimidated.
    I am sure if TBS has a problem with your comments, she will let you know.

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  21. Thanks Miss Scarlett- Hear my suggestions you shall! :)


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