March 15, 2010

Modern Manners Monday: What Would YOU Do?


Graphic by Elena Toumayan.

A friend is experiencing hard times.


You live alone and have an extra room.

You know your friend's lease is coming up for renewal.

You feel quite generous and offer that, instead of signing another lease, you would allow her to live with you rent-free for six months.  This, you hope, will give her an opportunity to rebuild her nest egg.

You think all is going well.

About three months into the arrangement, you walk in on her saying not so nice things about you (a la you're sometimes moody, you're sometimes messy, you sing too loudly in the shower and it gets on her nerves, yada, yada, yada) to someone on her cell phone. 

You are stunned, to say the least.

What would YOU do?

22 comments:

  1. That if you're so difficult to live with, she is welcome to get the stepping!

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  2. Six months was probably a long time to start out with. But I would honor the promise of six months and stick to it.

    I'm new to your blog and just catching up. Love it!

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  3. This is a tough one but I would honor my commitment. In my younger years I probably would have said you got to go. As I get older I know that it is definitely a challenge living with other under not so great circumstances.

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  4. I would honor my agreement with her because I know sometimes people have to vent. With that said, if she gets out of hand, then she has to go.

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  5. Like the other commenters I would honor my agreement. I would not extend my generousity beyond the 6 month period (because you KNOW she's gonna ask to stay longer). At the end of the period, we would have a conversation about what she said. I would probably not let anyone else stay with me after that either.

    It is difficult to live with another person. Especially if you have been living alone for a while, however, when someone is going out of their way to extend grace, it's tacky to comment on how long they sing in the shower in THEIR damn house.

    Good one, TBS!

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. Let her know RIGHT.THAT.MINUTE that she needs to find somewhere else to be ASAP (as in the end of the week) because my home is my sanctuary and it will not be sullied with someone who holds ill will towards me for WHATEVER reason. Heck...I'm even give her some money to help with her deposit, etc.

    In my home I get to do whatever I want to do and be happy with being me.

    She gots'ta'go.

    Simple.

    Kudos to those of you who'd let her stay. Couldn't be me.

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  8. Ooh, I want to say that I would honor my commitment, but I'm gonna have to be real honest - she's gotta move. Like CreoleInDC said, she can have until the end of the week, but that's it.

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  9. *Shew* This is a toughie. Especially because I have been, and currently still am the recipient of my parents' generosity at letting me live in their town house and WE don't always get along!

    I would have a conversation with her as soon as I got over the initial stunned-ness (which is the perfect word for my immediate reaction) and anger, which is also how I'd instantly feel. I'd explain that I'd overheard her and hopefully try to have a calm discussion to discern any legitimacy to whatever her *issues* with me are (hey, I'm not perfect). I would let her know I was willing to honor my commitment, but that any venting, so to speak, should be kept far away from me if we weren't able to resolve it and showing respect for my generosity was a must. I would do the same and not retaliate, if you will, by badmouthing her to any mutual friends, etc (you get the idea).

    Then I'd be counting the days for the 6mos to be over, and hope that we could truly stay friends.

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  10. i wouldn't say anything and would honor the commitment. i would, however, start discuss her plans for moving on around month 4 and let her know that staying longer won't be an option.

    you can't stop people from saying things about you, but you can remove yourself from the situation.

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  11. It would depend on the relationship you want to have with her. If it's just for show, clam up and honor the commitment. If you want an authentic friendship, time to talk.

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  12. Oh yeah, time to talk, especially since friends should not say things in private that they could not say in public when it comes to a precious thing like friendship...and generosity. The bad guest should be making an effort to be a gracious guest, spending time out of the host friend's apartment for healthy 'breathing space.' Nope, bad guest needs to go ASAP! And host friend needs to lose their friendship when the door hits bad guest where the Good Lord split them.

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  13. I would never confront her after over-hearing her phone conversation...then I'd appear to be an eavesdropper.

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  14. Put it in the forgettery. Everybody needs a little grace from time to time. Be the bigger person.

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  15. I would honor my commitment, but I would let her know that I overheard her...maybe she would be embarrassed because that was ungrateful and rude.

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  16. When we try to be a mother hen we run into problems. Unless I was asked about giving up one of my four bedrooms (faithing it til I get there) I would not suggest it.

    You cant stop people from talking, but your sure as heck can stop them from talking in your house.

    Mr.Goodwill Hunting
    http://g-w-hunting.blogspot.com

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  17. At that point, I would be uncomfortable. I WILL NOT be uncomfortable in my own house. Solution; good-bye to the overloading "friend". She could have gotton her "vent on" outside the house or while I was gone.

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  18. I'd tell her I overheard the conversation and didn't appreciate what I heard, particularly given the fact that I'm being generous towards her in light of the hard times she's experiencing. I'd tell her I suggest we end the living arrangement and give her 30 days to find a new home.

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  19. I'd tell her not to take it too seriously as I am lil irritated sometimes and also to find another home to save our friendhsip.

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  21. and you?I would let her know I was willing to honor my commitment?

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