January 18, 2010

Modern Manners Monday: What Would YOU Do?



You're wrapping up your monthly club meeting at your home, wishing everyone well and sending them on their way.

You look toward the kitchen and see a friend boxing up all of the leftovers from the buffet in her Tupperware. She did not ask your permission.

What do YOU do?

26 comments:

  1. I actually have a relative who does this all the time .Although bringing your own tupperware is bit over the line, I guess I would try to be a gracious hostess and tell her I would be happy to help her pack up a LITTLE bit of everything to bring home.

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  2. I agree with Hip:

    You say," Oh, let me help you. I'm so glad you enjoyed yourself. If I may say so myself, it was so good that I want to keep some of the leftovers for myself!" And then I would jump up and move to action.

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  3. In my own opinion, I think it's cheap and not very classy. But, I guess I'd do as those mentioned above.

    I guess I don't get the whole obsession with "free food". We live in America, where there is an obvious plethora of food. You WILL get to eat tomorrow! But, man, throw some the nastiest food out on a table - people will gobble it up like there's no tomorrow.

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  4. You always have great questions. I am in agreement with Hip Hostess.

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  5. Not asking your host for some of the leftovers is a bit uncouth, but usually I'm all for getting rid of the leftovers ASAP. I'd take the opportunity to ask everyone if they wanted anything to go and help pack it up for them. The less I have to figure out where to put away in my fridge, the better!

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  6. Such insightful suggestions! I love reading y'all's feedback!

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  7. Our response would definitely be more pointed - "Oh, that's sweet, but here's where I keep my Tupperware - my family is so looking forward to all these leftovers!" ;-)
    But we may be projecting. We too have a relative-in-law who's Tupperware appears - empty of course - at every family gathering.

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  8. I think I would just go with it and say, "go on, take as much as you want. Glad you brought your own tupperware. I'm all out." Here's a question for you though. I was out with an old friend who brought along a friend and a friend of that friend who I didn't know. I offered the friend of a friend some of my appetizer and she DOUBLE DIPPED! GASP! I am a serious germaphobe, but I didn't want to make a scene and embarrass my friend. I quickly grabbed the dipping sauce and tried to salvage the half that she did not dip into, but I was pissed. When she sees me do this, she goes, "oh, I was looking for a spoon." Was she really? What would you have done?

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  9. If she could fit tupperware in her bag - props to her! The more leftovers that can be voluntarily removed from my kitchen, the better. The last thing I would want to do is embarrass her.

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  10. I would probably just write her off as tacky, no home training. We live in America where food is plentiful like someone already said. I'm not going to get into it over food. Now if there was something in particular I wanted to keep, it would not have been out for anyone to grab. I'm might say something off hand like I guess she needs it more than I.

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  11. I think I'd say, "Thanks so muchfor cleaning up. Let's just make sure that no one was counting on leftovers for dinner." Then I'd ask the whole group. That would a) maybe let her understand she's being selfish b) make sure that no one else really is getting eaten out of a planned dinner c) give you a chance to say, oh, I'd love some of this if that's ok, should there be some dish you have your eye on.

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  12. Congrats on the Martha show! I was watching & you were front & center. If I had not met you at the Eddie events, I wouldn't have known to look for you, so that was a fun connection. Hope you had a blast & can't wait to hear more about it. I would love to get in on a blogging event like that too. It's been amazing to see where blogging has taken us all & it's been a fun 3 years for me. So nice to meet you!

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  13. Okay, call me crazy but I would kinda be okay with this because I don't want to have to put away food that nobody in my house is going to eat.

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  14. Help her. I ENCOURAGE this as I'm not a fan of having all that extra food in my home after one of my parties.

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  15. I wouldn't begrudge anyone leftovers- it's less we'd have hanging around the house. And I would feel a little bit like a bad host for not offering take-home's for guests in the first place.

    But if I found someone foraging the for food on their own I guess my reaction would depend on how good a friend they were. If it was someone I knew really well they would know I would want them to take some leftovers and I wouldn't care at all.

    If it was someone I didn't know really well I'd think it was really odd- and be wary of that person in the future but I would still be polite and "helpful".

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  16. I would ask her if she needed any help. Yes, it's gauche and presumptuous but apart of being gracious is making others feel comftorable in your presence. It would be horribly uncomftorable for the guest if you approached her and after all, she is your guest.

    If it really bothers the host-- reconsider inviting that person next time.

    Cheers,
    Ayesha

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  17. I would make a mental note to never invite her again.

    Just kidding. I might thank her for being a helpful guest and tell her where in the fridge to put the food. Then be gracious when she tells you that it's her Tupperware and she's taking the food. Maybe, just maybe, she won't be so presumptuous at the next lovely buffet she's invited to.

    I wouldn't put money on that, though.

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  18. That's a tough situation. I think it would be good to gently someway get the point across such as Elegant Thrifter says. I wouldn't ignore it, that builds up.

    My group of friends have a friend that for a long time we avoided inviting because she always double dipped. So we started saying when we all began to eat, "okay everybody-no double dipping". She will pay attention but you have to say it at every gathering because apparently she doesn't remember.

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  19. first time poster, this is a great question!
    In my large extended family it's actually encouraged to take at least some of the food home (in filipino it's called baon). HOWEVER, you should at least wait until the hostess gives you the permission to do so. To just take it without the knowledge. . well isn't that stealing? Extreme thinking sure, but if you don't ask to take it how do you know it's ok? I like the previous suggestions that you should ask if she needs help, and/or suggest that she should consider leaving some for everyone else. We should all keep in mind that we might be in the "land of plenty", it's hard to see what everyones financial situation is. That woman might be able fool others by appearence but still might not be able to feed herself or her family.

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  20. When we go to my parent's house for any celebration we all bring our own take home containers. My mother always over cooks -- on purpose -- and she wants us to take home leftovers. As a matter of fact she is insulted if we don't take food home. It's now almost a game -- when we get done eating and then we head into the kitchen to pack up "togo" bags.

    However, if I am at another person's house I wouldn't expect to take anything unless I was invited to.

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  21. If you bring something to the party, by all means take it home with you, but to take someone else's food without being offered is just tacky, no matter if you "wanted" the food or not.
    I think I would go all passive aggressive on her and thank her for helping pack up, while telling her that the leftovers are intended for my family's dinner. Then feign innocence to where the Tupperware in her hand came from... as in " oh no, that container isn't mine, someone must have left it here..." If she fesses up that it's hers (or not) I'd just take out one of mine and hand it to her while helping her pack it. If she asks to have some... well, what kind of rude friends do you have????

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  22. "Oh my, thank you. You know how I do hate eating leftovers. I am so glad you felt my food was good enough to take home! But I hope none of the others feel left out." Turns and asks if anyone else wanted leftovers.

    It's true. I hate eating leftovers. And personally, while rude, I am really not into passive aggressiveness.
    It is a conundrum. The above response would be my fake response.
    The real response would be, depending on our level of friendship, to take her aside and say, bluntly,

    "hey, next time, I would really appreciate it if you had asked first. I really wouldn't have wanted to have promised it to someone else beforehand."

    I am not much for tack, I am afraid.

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  23. Gracious hosting means accepting that people come from different traditions with different standards of manners. She is being rude, but it's truly ungracious and small-hearted to get your knickers in a twist over perishables disappearing into tupperware other than your own. When in doubt, follow the "if someone asks you for your tunic, give him your cloak also" rule.

    Although if those leftovers included chocolate-covered strawberries, I'd be guilty of saying "hey, can I have one of those before you close up?" ...Because I am a sinner.

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  24. I feel like the hostess should have already offered everyone a chance at the leftovers, so this situation should not have even come up. At our gatherings, everyone is expected to take home a sampling of leftovers.

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  25. Wow.. it's amazing how many of you think everyone in America is well fed. Perhaps you have more than enough to scrape into the trash after dinner, but there are many people who are starving. I should know... my room mate and I have been eating diced onions boiled in milk/water for a month now. I lost 15lbs in one week and I can tell she has lost even more than I have. How arrogant to assume that just because you have a full belly everyone else must be the same.
    If someone is taking leftovers without asking.. let them! You may not know what circumstances have driven them to do something that you are apparently so above doing. Maybe one day you'll find yourself in their shoes and hopefully you'll have friends who are compassionate enough to understand without humiliating you.

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  26. Maybe she actually needed the food. Do you know what her financial situation is?

    Most times, I try very hard to pack up the leftovers and send them home with people who attended anyhow. So I guess I would think it was a little presumptuous but I would help her pack up stuff (so I could be sure to keep anything I wanted!)

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