January 4, 2010

Modern Manners Monday: What Would YOU Do?

invitation
It's that time again!  It's a near year and I'm certain that it, too, will be riddled with a cornucopia of modern etiquette quandaries.

This week's Mx3 comes from dear reader, LenaT.

Dear TBS,
I'd like to ask your readers what they'd do if they received a text message invitation to a formal event. I ran into an acquaintance at the Farmer's Market and she told me was planning to throw a fancy soiree and that invitations would be sent soon. I heard through a mutual friend that she'd mailed formal invitations but since I had not gotten one, I assumed that I did not make the cut/guest list. However, two days before the fete, she sent me an invitation via text. It seems too much like an afterthought.
What would the readers do?



15 comments:

  1. I would not attend. If it is a formal event, a formal invitiation is in order. If you received a text at the last minute, it means you are an afterthought. Guests deserve to be treated fairly, no matter what.

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  2. Who knows what really happened?? If you want to go, go and have fun! The point is you were invited whether you were an afterthought or not.

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  3. I would decline. A text message? Certainly not. I might have gone if the hostess had called ~ "your invitation came back in the mail" etc.
    If the hostess thinks that this is an acceptable way to extend an invitation to a formal event, I hate to think what the actual event would be like. Save yourself the aggravation, open a bottle of wine, snuggle up with your significant other and watch a DVD instead.

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  4. Technology be damned, invitations to a formal event must not be sent via text! It is also too last minute, one needs time to prepare ones outfit! If she had telephoned you with a reasonable excuse as to why you hadn't received the invite then it might have been different.
    I would also call the hostess and say that you had received the text and were unable to attend at such short notice and thank her anyways...just to show her that you are polite and have manners and maybe she'll feel a twinge of shame!

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  5. I believe that printed invitations are designed to prepare the guest for the tone, attire, and purpose of the affair and should not be skipped for any reason. You deserve to feel as prepared and welcomed as any other guest--regardless of whether you have fallen out of touch with the hostess or if you were were bffs--how else will you know the color scheme, the theme, the size of the function, and all necessary information that is expressed not only in the content of the invite but in the way it was designed. In a way, you've been handicapped.

    That being said, attending really is about you. Are you in need of some socialization? Then by all means go. If not, I would decline politely and ask her to notify you earlier of her functions and you will happily attend.

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  6. Tiffany In HoustonJanuary 4, 2010 at 1:35 PM

    Decline the invite. If you aren't at the forefront of the mind to be invited, then it shouldn't be at the forefront of your mind to go.

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  7. Oh heck. I will buck the trend. They have an extra seat or two. They are asking if you want it. If you do, and know others who will be attending, or the food will be great, or the music, go schmo to heck with them. Impunity. But if there any chance the slight will follow you to the party, don't go anywhere near the joint.

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  8. Perhaps they skimped on tangible invites in order to up the ante on the food or decor of the event itself. Who knows? If they think enough of you to invite you, then go if you want to.

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  9. If you're feeling slighted, then pretend the invitation came in the mail and respond as though it did - by mail or by phone call and give your regrets profusely. We are nice to others not because of who they are, but because of who we are.

    If you want to go to the party and can do so without being pissy, then go. If you're going to make digs at the hostess while you're there, then stay home so you don't make an ass of yourself.

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  10. Mrs. E. and i had a number of invitations go missing this year. We had spotty mail service during our winter storm. We actually emailed a number of people from those days and begged forgiveness, but wanted them to know they'd been invited.

    It's a conundrum.

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  11. It depends on my relationship with this person. Was it an rsvp or regrets only? An rsvp might make me think I was really on the B list. She wouldn't have told you about the event if she didn't want you there, trust. And its not like it was something where you were expected to bring a gift. If I liked the person otherwise, I would go. If it was just a casual acquaintance I probably wouldn't bother and I probably wouldn't be missed. I would be mad about not having time to plan an outfit though.

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  12. Not everyone has to be (or can be) invited to every event. It drives me crazy when one couple feels hurt when I've had another couple to dinner. I make my guest lists based on putting together the right mix of people, not on inviting everyone under the sun. You probably weren't on the first guest list and someone dropped out. Now, is it tacky to text you to attend? Sure, but I don't think you should take it personally.

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  13. I would not attend. I totally get that you weren't on the A list and she was managing her #s, but to receive an invite via text 2 days before is beyond tacky! There's no reason to think that you should drop everything and rearrange your life to attend in such short notice. Even if you had received the formal invite via mail in short notice, she could blame the delay on snail mail issues, but not a text!

    I thought receiving a wedding invite via e-vite.com was bad, but this takes the cake! At least they sent the evite in a timely manner.

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