A group of ten girlfriends gather on a monthly basis for a Girls' Night Out. Everyone has been friends for at least a decade.
To curtail costs, everyone is asked to bring a casserole or dish each month and contribute to a kitty for adult beverages; however, without fail, a couple of the friends complain each month about contributing a dish. One says she just doesn't have time and the other detests cooking. Fine.
After much circuitous email, they each say that they will contribute money for the cocktails but "may or may not" bring a dish.
You are the hostess.
What do you do?
I think if they are true girlfriends and not acquaintances, then it should not be a big deal. Maybe they are going through some rough dip in their finances. Just go on with the party, don't take dibs on who brings what and who donates money to the till. Just have fun and enjoy being with friends. I figure it'll all sort out in the wash. Later they may contribute more $$ than usual or they'll buy a dish to bring...
ReplyDeleteJust my 2 cents :)
I think that more money is the key. If you are not willing to contribute a dish for lack of time or because you detest cooking. Here is how it would go (at least in my head). "Oh that is fine you can contribute money for the adult beverages and some additional money for a dish. After all you will want those crab cakes that have become a staple right!" It really isn't fair for the same people to bring food every time and have others who don't contribute in the same way.
ReplyDeleteThis is so hard. Are they going to be eating everyone else's food? They should be contributing more money for cocktails than everyone else, if so. Or they could pick up the supplies for the drinks? And if its more than a few months in a row, you may need to reconsider the plans, since I am sure the food situation may or may not be enough to go around, if they aren't bringing anything...
ReplyDeleteTell them to swing by Whole Foods deli on the way and pick up _____.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Kandra. If I'm hostess, I would be inclined to have enough "stuff" (ie, food and drink) on hand if we need it and chalk the extra expense on my part up to being worth it to get together with my besties. Then again, I've also culled and cultivated my friend groups largely so this kind of stuff - much like check splitting at restaurants- is as minimal of an issue as possible because we're all on the same page, so to speak, in how we handle money from a standpoint of "entertaining." But, bottom line, I'd pick time with friends over spending extra and consider it a good deal!
ReplyDeleteI can't believe anyone would actually do that:(. I mean, who wouldn't say, can I please just ante up more money for food? Or, as others have pointed out, say, how about if I stop by the bakery and bring dessert? Am I just naive?
ReplyDeleteIt's easy enough to stop by a deli or bring something pre-prepared. If they are all friends, I don't think anyone would have a problem with that. But if even that is too much for them, then they should contribute more money to the beverage kitty. If even that's too much, then they shouldn't eat. Where I am from, I always heard "you eat like you put", meaning you put in nothing, you eat nothing.
ReplyDeleteGreat feedback, y'all! And @ the dear, LPC: unfortunately this is an actual scenario brought forth by a reader...gasp! I KNOW you're clutching your virtual pearls.
ReplyDeleteIf they have been friends for a decade I would ask each individually, as the hostess, why they could no longer contribute a dish. Unless it's for a very good reason - unemployment, strapped for cash, etc. - I would ask them to consider everyone else's feelings and time constraints. Ask them how they would feel if two other women suddenly decided to stop contributing to the alcohol fund.
ReplyDeleteI would request that they contribute more money to the alcohol fund if they're really serious about not making a dish.
Since they are really tripping about bringing a dish, I would put them in charge of ALL the alcohol with clear stipulation that they make sure they bring enough to make sure EVERYONE can drink heartily. Alcohol is expensive so I bet that issue would resolve itself sooner or later.
ReplyDeleteI would be ok with an extra contribution towards the adult beverage fund, which is more important to me. But it should be a bit more than those who brought a dish with them. The overall goal is fellowship so I wouldn't make it an issue.
ReplyDeleteTBS,
ReplyDeleteThere is no excuse for NOT bringing something or NOT contributing additional funds. This gathering is a monthly social event that each of them have agreed to participate in. If the individual cannot participate regularly they need not come. It is not hard to seing by Earthfare and pick up som pasta salad. Needless to say, they have a whole month after the current party to began preparing for the next one.
I would also want to know what happens when these individuals host the party themselves. Do they not provide food or contribute something in their own home?
There is not EXCUSE for not bringing something or providing additional funds. Hey KFC has great original recipe chicken for all that matters.
This is hard for me because all you have to do is say "pot-luck" and I immediately start to panic. However, I wouldn't come empty-handed; I just need to be told EXACTLY WHAT to bring.
ReplyDeleteI will ask them to drop by some dessert shop and buy dessert. They should have at least the initiative to do that. I can't cook myself but if asked to bring something for a potluck, I order food in bulk or I take charge of the dessert. One of my friends always brings rice. Hahaha! Gosh, rice must not be part of the potluck items. The hostess can take care of that.
ReplyDelete